3.11.2009

Monster

1.75/5

Price: $0.88 (Sale: 8 for $7)
Found at: Target
Key herbals: Ginseng, Taurine
Food in play: Pizza slice with Spinach, Broccoli, Tomato, Garlic; Wheat bagel w/cream cheese; 2 grams of Omega 3s; Snacks of crackers.
Circumstance: Driving to work on little sleep; Getting fired; Searching for a new job.

Taste: I remember when Monster used to be my favorite energy drink. It was actually my first favorite and I must have just figured "this must be what all energy drinks taste like." Well, after experiencing many other drinks, Monster comes off flavor-wise as a sort of mix between cotton candy and ass. It wasn't the worst thing ever for the first say, 1/3rd of the can but halfway through it became more of an effort and the last few sips forced me to suppress my gag reflex. (1/5)

Effect: The energy boost faded into action about 15-20 minutes after I finished the beverage. I was definitely not sleepy anymore and the "empty energy" feeling was not as strong as usual. I'm not sure how long it lasted because the comedown was gradual. It's now 12 hours later and I haven't been weary yet.
Two notable side effects were a slight disorientation and an even more slight shakiness. I wouldn't even call it shakiness. more of a vibration. Maybe that was just the disorientation making me think I was vibrating, though. Granted I did get fired about half an hour into my work day but I don't think that weighed on the aforementioned negatives. The worst side effect by far was the massive amount of gas. This started in before the dismissal from employment so I know it wasn't stress related. I was belching up a storm and I felt that if I didn't let out foundation-shattering BRRRAAAAAPPs every five minutes I would have floated away. (2.5/5)

Skinny: Though an apparent mainstay in this end of the beverage community, Monster is still one of the worst tasting products available (and from my experiences with the line thus far, the standard green can contains the best of the rainbow of bad flavors). The energy boost is pretty darn worth it, though, if the beast happens to be the only thing in reach when you need it (that sale price ain't bad, either). The side effects weren't anything to complain about aside from the obscene belching.

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