"I Play FFXI" - Alice Cooper Parody

To the tune of "No More Mr. Nice Guy".

I used to have such a real, real life
'til it grabbed a hold of me.
I went to work, earned a paycheck
Majored psychology...
Then I logged on to the Phoenix Server
The rest is hi-story...
And I'm gettin' real hooked in
And I'm feelin' 'leet'

I play FFXI!
Glued to my scree-hee-hee-heen!
I play FFXI,
Would you like some Gysahl Gree-hee-hee-heens?

Choco left me in La Theine today,
A map woulda been wise...
I got thrown out of my EXP PT
Almost made me cry...
Went to the Dunes incognito
To avoid aggro-o.
The Goblin Smithy, he recognized me
Stabbed through my Vagabond Hose!
He said,

I play FFXI!
Glued to my scree-hee-hee-heen!
I play FFXI,
Please in-vite me to your P-tee-hee-hee!

I was thinking about doing an "I'm Eighteen" rendition about a noob who's stuck at level 18 but... it just wasn't coming together in spite of the ever-reliable subligar quips. Not that this one is the most spectacularly hilarious thing ever but the "Goblin Smithy" line was too much to resist.

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