9.17.2010

Monster Khaos

0.5/5

Price: $1.67
Found at: Publix
Key ingredients: Taurine, Ginseng, Guarana, L-Carnitine
Food in play: Handful of assorted donut holes
Circumstance: Woke up too early, afternoon shopping.

Taste: I was optimistic here due to Assault's success in this department, but, sadly, Khaos barely warrants its label as a unique Monster flavor. If Monster tastes like 15,000 pounds of ass, Monster Khaos tastes like 14,000. (1/5)

Effect: Uh... hello? Khaos? You call yourself an "energy" drink, right? Well, okay, you're one of those more juice-oriented beverages... with that in mind it might be forgivable if you don't provide the same power as your more carbonated cousins... but dude, at least give me something in return for having endured your awful taste. What's that, you did give me something? Oh, right, a crash (in spite of having given me nothing to crash from) and a stomach ache that lasted into... well, here I am writing this 24 hours later and I'm still aching, so... (0/5)

Skinny: Unless someone else is paying with the sole intent of providing Bloodshot Energy review fodder, I'm done with non-coffee Monster. It's been the red-headed step-child of my energy beverage repertoire for years but after this horrible-tasting, energy-void bastard, enough is enough.

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